I Used to Be

A pair of solicitors came to the door yesterday, and I’m not actually sure the purpose of their visit. The rather gregarious man did all the talking, hoping, I think, to win me to their cause – whatever that was. He talked about CTV – a national television station – about running, about some event they were planning, about my neighbours, and about World Vision. Since the hubby and I already support charities aiding villages and disadvantaged children, and we have no extra to adopt a child, the conversation ended before I got a true sense of how these disparate topics all related to one another.

He was talking about running and I said I had been a runner in my day, and we talked about it. He seemed impressed with my abilities, and they were impressive when I was 16. But, here I am, standing there wearing shorts and a short-sleeved blouse, as skinny as I have ever been. I’ve never seen my legs so thin! There is no longer any muscle tone. So, here I was, talking about my “glory days,” looking like I couldn’t walk a mile, let alone run. And, I did a short run a couple of months ago, and paid a temporary, but heavy price! What a difference. I realized I “used to be” a runner. And I’m not sure I will ever get to a point of being able to run again.

And, the other day, we went to the video store to rent some movies. The new releases were displayed along the outside walls and were Blu-Ray format, and the DVDs were on the shelves in the centre. We don’t have a Blu-Ray machine, so we rented DVDs. When we got to the counter, the clerk told us of a special they had on renting “older” movies. “Older?” Huh! I’ve heard of Blu-Ray, and the hubby has talked about getting a Blu-Ray player, but he likes the DVD format because of the DVD-A (DVD Audio) disks some artists have released. They are a fantastic quality, and the audiophile in me really likes that. Blu-Ray doesn’t offer the same option, but eventually, the hubby will likely buy such a player.

And then on Sunday, we visited the hubby’s brother and his wife, and the hubby and his brother were talking about some new stereo equipment. I realized I was no longer in the “tech loop.” I haven’t paid attention to formats or technology for quite a while. I understand the technology behind DVD and M-PEG format. I was still working in the music industry at the time. Again, I “used to be” the foremost authority on CD mastering standards in Canada. I helped set some of those standards. Tech people in other countries knew my name and what I had done for the Canadian industry. But now? I could get “back up to speed,” I’m sure. That sort of information appeals to my analytical nature. I just really don’t care to know this any more – it’s not necessary for me to know it, even though I would still probably find it interesting.

Do I regret my “used to be” status? No. Life changes. People change. Different things interest me now than when I was younger. I wish my health was better, and that I could run sometimes without dire consequences. But I just wish my health were better – not specifically so I could run. I just wish I could enjoy running again. I have made many new discoveries about myself in the past year or two. I have discovered new spiritual gifts I didn’t realize I had, and I would not likely have recognized them if I were still able to use the ones I did know about . God needed my life to be quieter for me to see what He saw, and for me to serve in the ways I now serve. I do look at the “I am” aspects of my life far more frequently than the “used to be.” I don’t typically live in the past, and am not a nostalgic person. Past days are gone, and I have grown into different areas that, to me, are just as exciting and engaging as those I knew in the past. Although I wish some of my current struggles were not present, I am very satisfied with who God has made me to be at this point in my life.

Until next time, encourage one another…